time marches on

Day after day I find myself thinking the same thoughts. Doing the same things. Making the same resolves (or is it resolutions?) For example:

thinking I should get up during nap time and clean my bedroom floor as the pile of clean and semi-clean laundry mounts higher and higher. Why don't I just fold it? Or put it away once folded? Why can I not just throw things away, why do they need to sit on my desk or on the counter unattended to for literally months until they are useless and then I feel justified getting rid of it.

Tomorrow I will clean this room. I will sweep this floor. I will start brushing the baby's (now 4!) teeth.

Amidst all this, I get mentally constipated thinking there is something more important I should be doing. And that is watching my baby grow up. Sometimes I feel like a lazy oaf, because I honestly prefer sitting with her or holding her and watching her learn and grow and helping her along the way than doing anything "important." Because in my mind, doing those things is more important than all the other things.

I still kick myself though. I want to balance my life and not have regrets. But the truth is, what will I regret more? Never really having a clean bedroom, or not being able to remember my baby at 8 months 4 weeks and 1 day old.

Every night when I nurse her before bed I get emotional. Like literally. No, I'm not mentally unstable, I don't need psychiatric help... err, well, let's not go there ;) But seriously, I look at her hair and how it has grown. How it has lightened. How her head is so much bigger. And she is so long. But yet, she is still a baby. My baby. I cannot get time back... it is impossible. And anticipating another time is a waste of time. The only thing that makes sense is to enjoy every.single.second. Take it all in.

I never quite finish all my projects. You might come in my house and find some very friendly dust bunnies (they are our favorite pets). The windows I'm afraid have never been cleaned and I don't often make my bed. But I'm ok with that because time marches on, and I refuse to live with regrets.